And Then...

Sometimes you make plans—big plans, for big change—and everything comes together without incident. But sometimes, the Universe says, "Really? Think again..." A little over a month ago, I thought I was going to sell my house and move into a neighborhood I was keen to get into. In fact, I'd accepted an offer, and then a half-hour after digi-signing papers, I went into a company meeting wherein my colleagues and I learned our company had been sold and the new owners were going to close the office. Um...okay, so I wouldn't be selling my house, or moving, I'd be looking for a new job. <sarcasm>Fabulous! I'm so good at that!</sarcasm>

Now that I've had time to truly digest this turn of events, dust off the resume, deal with severance paperwork and file for unemployment, it's really sinking in how different this experience is from the last time I was in this predicament, an unfathomable almost ten years ago. When Tower was sold to a liquidation firm and we were all ousted, I had no idea how to be unemployed. I was completely freaked out about, well, everything. How would I pay my bills? Would I have to subsist on ramen? And the emotional element...I'd lost not only my livelihood, but my extended family and community as well. I spent far too much time alone and worrying, growing ever more depressed by the job listings I was compulsively pouring over every day. I'm still not sure how I resisted the impulse to throw my computer out the window upon seeing "Human Directional" (yes, that’s what they call the guys who wave signs around on street corners) under "Marketing jobs recommended for Denise."

Older, and hopefully at least a bit wiser this time around, I intend to do pretty much everything completely differently. No more searching job listings for three hours every morning. No more self-imposed exile because I think I shouldn't burn the gas. I know I do better with structure, so I do in fact have a daily schedule of sorts, but along with the job search, it includes time for bike rides, lots of reading and writing. I'm also volunteering at the Sacramento Food Bank & Family Services and the Friends of the Sacramento Library Book Den which has been great fun so far. How can shelving books in a warehouse for four hours make me so happy? In the wise words of a friend, "Once, therefore always, a bookseller."

I don't know how long it will take for me to land my next gig, but I know it will happen. I knew that intellectually last time, but this time I know it emotionally too.