Buzzword Bingo

I like word games as much as the next grammar geek, but I must confess that I'm growing weary of rewriting my résumé and tweaking state applications to contain just the right words that will be picked up by the bots and then hopefully land in front of a human. I understand the game: pour over the job description, select that perfect combination of words or phrases that will somehow indicate my being the best fit for that particular position, incorporate them into my work experience and, voila! The bots will swipe right. (I suspect chicken bones, hemlock and runes are also involved, but I can't prove it). I understand how the game works, but I'm tired of it.

However, since I have no choice but to continue playing if I'm going to land a gig, I need to figure out how to deal with this nonsense. So I choose sarcasm (duh), which will surprise no one. The recurring hits are just begging for a top ten list, so here they are, in no particular order:

Compelling. As opposed to what, boring as hell?
Strategic vision. Presumably a strategy is in place before hiring begins...
Web savvy. Does this really even need to be stated?
Multi-faceted. Two-faced?
Digital expert. h/t to Rojer, does this mean an expert thumb twiddler?
Implement (verb). Just say "start" or "put in place."
Collaboration. Just once I'd like to see this described as "playing nicely with others."
Analytical thinker. Wait. You want me to think and be able to analyze stuff?
Stakeholder. I'm not even sure why this one bugs me, it just does.
Facilitation. I'd like to see this one as "make stuff happen."

Of course, all of the above are perfectly benign, when encountered by themselves. It's seeing them day after day in a multitude of job listings that's making my head hurt. I'm thinking of making scorecards and setting up online matches for my similarly displaced compatriots. And, since thinking of this analogy, I can't help but picture Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons saying, "Worst bingo game ever!"