Sometimes you make plans—big plans, for big change—and everything
comes together without incident. But sometimes, the Universe says, "Really?
Think again..." A little over a month ago, I thought I was going to sell my house
and move into a neighborhood I was keen to get into. In fact, I'd accepted an
offer, and then a half-hour after digi-signing papers, I went into a company
meeting wherein my colleagues and I learned our company had been sold and the new
owners were going to close the office. Um...okay, so I wouldn't be selling my
house, or moving, I'd be looking for a new job. <sarcasm>Fabulous! I'm so
good at that!</sarcasm>
Now that I've had time to truly digest this turn of events,
dust off the resume, deal with severance paperwork and file for unemployment,
it's really sinking in how different this experience is from the last time I
was in this predicament, an unfathomable almost ten years ago. When Tower was sold
to a liquidation firm and we were all ousted, I had no idea how to be
unemployed. I was completely freaked out about, well, everything. How would I pay
my bills? Would I have to subsist on ramen? And the emotional element...I'd lost
not only my livelihood, but my extended family and community as well. I spent
far too much time alone and worrying, growing ever more depressed by the job
listings I was compulsively pouring over every day. I'm still not sure how I
resisted the impulse to throw my computer out the window upon seeing "Human
Directional" (yes, that’s what they call the guys who wave signs around on
street corners) under "Marketing jobs recommended for Denise."
Older, and hopefully at least a bit wiser this time around, I
intend to do pretty much everything completely differently. No more searching job
listings for three hours every morning. No more self-imposed exile because I
think I shouldn't burn the gas. I know I do better with structure, so I do in
fact have a daily schedule of sorts, but along with the job search, it includes
time for bike rides, lots of reading and writing. I'm also volunteering at the Sacramento Food Bank & Family
Services and the Friends of the Sacramento Library Book Den which has been great
fun so far. How can shelving books in a warehouse for four hours make me so
happy? In the wise words of a friend, "Once, therefore always, a bookseller."
I don't know how long it will take for me to land my next
gig, but I know it will happen. I knew that intellectually last time, but this
time I know it emotionally too.
