Buzzword Bingo

I like word games as much as the next grammar geek, but I must confess that I'm growing weary of rewriting my résumé and tweaking state applications to contain just the right words that will be picked up by the bots and then hopefully land in front of a human. I understand the game: pour over the job description, select that perfect combination of words or phrases that will somehow indicate my being the best fit for that particular position, incorporate them into my work experience and, voila! The bots will swipe right. (I suspect chicken bones, hemlock and runes are also involved, but I can't prove it). I understand how the game works, but I'm tired of it.

However, since I have no choice but to continue playing if I'm going to land a gig, I need to figure out how to deal with this nonsense. So I choose sarcasm (duh), which will surprise no one. The recurring hits are just begging for a top ten list, so here they are, in no particular order:

Compelling. As opposed to what, boring as hell?
Strategic vision. Presumably a strategy is in place before hiring begins...
Web savvy. Does this really even need to be stated?
Multi-faceted. Two-faced?
Digital expert. h/t to Rojer, does this mean an expert thumb twiddler?
Implement (verb). Just say "start" or "put in place."
Collaboration. Just once I'd like to see this described as "playing nicely with others."
Analytical thinker. Wait. You want me to think and be able to analyze stuff?
Stakeholder. I'm not even sure why this one bugs me, it just does.
Facilitation. I'd like to see this one as "make stuff happen."

Of course, all of the above are perfectly benign, when encountered by themselves. It's seeing them day after day in a multitude of job listings that's making my head hurt. I'm thinking of making scorecards and setting up online matches for my similarly displaced compatriots. And, since thinking of this analogy, I can't help but picture Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons saying, "Worst bingo game ever!" 

The Continuing Saga of “This isn’t What I Planned…”

Unemployment misconception #437: Being out of work, I'll post on my blog every week. Nope...it hasn't turned out that way. Granted, I am putting serious hours into the job search, tweaking my resume this way and that, trying to make my skill set and work history sound compelling. There's another INFP stumbling block - I'm so over talking about myself. But even with all of that, I can't claim I'm putting in 40 hours a week, so why am I not cranking out the blog posts, or writing much of anything lately?

I'm really not sure. We've all heard, or possibly given, the advice to put the angst (or fear, anger, depression, etc.) into the art. And it makes sense. Great art comes from great upheaval. When all is well and we're cruising along with no conflicts, there's no edge, which is boring. So given my current unemployed status, frustration at the less than robust job market, and general feeling of "what the hell do I do next?" I should be writing like crazy. It appears my muse isn't so fond of angst. Or, it might be that I have very little tolerance for my own whininess and I just don't want to explore what's going on in my head right now. Most of my former colleagues are in the same boat, and things really could be much worse, but I'm pretty fed up with this week, with events ranging from ridiculous to annoying to disappointing to are you freaking kidding me?

It started with an email informing me that my online application was reviewed but I don't possess the desired qualifications to warrant an interview. Then, another day passed without a phone call about a job I interviewed for on the first. It's starting to look like the decision has been made but it has nothing to do with me. Awesome. Here's something I couldn't make up: I received a physical letter thanking me for going paperless. Seriously. The winner though, was an email sent at 5:30 this afternoon, telling me my application is being reviewed but they need my unofficial college transcript, by Friday at 4 PM. Um, what?? My transcript? In two days? I had no idea I'd ever need to even think about that again. So I went to Sac State's website, jumped through the required hoops and $26 later was promised a "rushed" copy, in three days. Super. I'm sure I'll see the humor in all of this...eventually, and possibly even be inspired. Perhaps my muse leans toward off-beat humor, which would surprise no one.