And in the End...

Every year, I think the date might slip by unnoticed. I should know better. Twenty-two years is a long time to stay in one place. Eight years ago today, my Tower career came to an abrupt and jarring end. Plenty was written in the press during our final days, about mismanagement, our mistakes, our outdated business model, etc. To that I say, shut up, you guys weren't there. Granted, we did make our share of mistakes, but, fiercely embracing a double standard, I'm allowed to say so, and if you didn't work there you aren't. Period. Plus, we did a lot of things right, for a very long time.

I spent my last three years at Tower in the buyers building, as a member of the Tower Product Team, or #TPT, surrounded by a great group of people. After a stressful nine-year stint in the advertising department, buying was a welcome respite. Every day was filled with amusing banter, good-natured ribbing, and of course, music. Buyers are a happy lot, and why shouldn't they be? What could be better than buying music, books and videos with someone else's money?

2006, as it turned out, was not our year. The final few months were tough. I'd grown up at Tower and the idea that it might really come to an end had me at a loss. What the hell was I supposed to do next? I really had no idea. I worked on my resumé, but had nowhere to send it. (My wonderful friends in the Northern California bookselling community had already shared it). I bought grownup clothes (yes, my first suit). I longed to stay in the book world, but that proved difficult as I wanted to stay in Sacramento, being unwilling to try to sell my house, as I could only deal with so much change at once.

Friday, October 6, 2006. We got word that afternoon that we'd been purchased by a liquidation firm that had outbid the retailers who'd been interested in acquiring us. That was it—it was really over. I looked around at my friends and colleagues as the news sunk in. Tears, hugs, more tears. We were told to come to work on Monday. Really? To do what, exactly? The plan was to let the bulk of the main office staff go and keep a skeleton crew on to mind operations as the stores wound down and sold everything. We came in on Monday and just...hung out. HR/Payroll was processing final pay for over 300 people so it was going to take a few days. We decided to make the best of it. A few of the guys went home to get their hibachis. Someone made a store run. We had a parking lot cookout, played wiffle ball, liar's dice, and of course, listened to music. People from other departments dropped by to hang out. TPT was the fun building to the end.

Wednesday, October 11. We were herded into the main conference room where the interim CEO told us we were done. HR handed out final paychecks and I felt bad for them. The woman who handed me mine looked like she was about to cry and just kept saying, "I'm so sorry." Tina, we all knew you were just doing your job. The CEO tried to say something about what we were losing. I don't have many regrets, but to this day, I wish I'd asked him what the hell made him think he had any right to talk to us what we'd just lost. He'd completed another job, collected his big fat bonus and was ready to move on. We'd lost our livelihoods, our extended family and our shared history. And it fucking sucked. I cried more in those final days than I had in the previous 22 years. I drove away from 2500 Del Monte for the last time that afternoon, still sniveling.

After eight years, it's finally sunk in that you can't have new beginnings without endings. I'm finally at peace with how it all unfolded and happy to have been part of history. I'm grateful for all the wacky, eccentric, wonderfully awesome people in my extended Tower family, who I'll love forever. I've been searching for a way to sum up what those relationships have meant to me, but I'll just let the lads from Liverpool say it for me.